Friday, 8 February 2013

Storytelling and Commission: Online Greenlight Review Part2


  1. OGR 08/02/2013

    Hey Sam,

    LOVE that amendment to your script - the final coda with them frying the fish; you've written that very nicely; it sort of made me want to go on my summer holidays already!

    In regards to your storyboard - when you get your presentation quality storyboard prepared, I think you should just think about how you might convey the 'flashback' more clearly as a change in time, because your current storyboard doesn't make it clear, and I think a stranger to your story idea would read those scenes as somehow being a continuation of the present, not a recourse to the past; a simple subtitle on the panel itself 'Flashback' would suffice!

    In terms of hotel design, I think the obviously symmetrical designs work effectively, because symmetry implies order, a certain sort of civilisation and 'taste' - I like the drawing on page 9 of your Scribd doc - top left - though it looks more like a hotel-come-restaurant; if you simply lowered the two towers and made it a single-story structure, I think it would be more 'restaurant-less-hotel' - and that big semi-circle above the door could have 'Charbonneau' on it in an appropriately showy way.

    I want you to think carefully now about soundtrack and sound effects; this is certainly where you'll want to evoke time and place musically and really think about it as a 'colour' in your world; for example, in the interior of Charbonneaus, we might here the gentle clink of cutlery and murmur of voices, but also sound of classical chamber music setting a typically 'European' ambience; meanwhile, out by the young chef's shack, you'd have more spacious, outdoor sounds; the sound of waves, of birds, and maybe music coming from an old transistor radio, or similar. The point is that there is lots to think about in terms of further evoking your world, and which you'll need to bring your animatic and pre-viz to life. In the past, students have found interesting and dynamic ways to discuss, experiment and archive their explorations of sound design, and I'd like to see you being similarly sophisticated in terms of this hugely important, but sometimes overlooked aspect of storytelling.

    Oh - I forgot to say last time - I really like the detail in which the fish knocks off the Chef's hat at the end - quietly symbolic; the king losing his crown - nice visual storytelling, Sam.

  2. You need an actual title, Sam - I don't think The Chef + Desert Island + Stick of Dynamite is going to look so great on the cinema poster! :) I'm going to want you to brand your Art Of and your animatic/pre-viz title sequence sympathetically to the world of your story, so decisions around typeface and its relationship to your visual concept is important - likewise your title. Give it some thought; it can be as simple as the name of your principle character 'Charbonneau' or maybe some clever pun or associated term to do with rivalry or a clash of flavours. Once you've got the title of your animated short, you can begin properly and confidently to package all associated content in readiness for submission.

    In regard to your Art Of, I really want you to think about it in terms of designing a publication - not simply putting all your production drawings etc. together in an order. Use negative space wisely - single drawings on a single page, don't rush it, think about creative use of layout; you're doing a lot of this already, as proven by the OGR doc, but think about it as a book experience - as an experience for others.

    I suggest then that you get an animatic up on here as soon as possible - and really start to explore your story as time-based media; things can change a lot at this stage! I'm very excited to see this project develop, so onwards and keep your energy nice and high and enjoy yourself :)