Dear Sam - again, excellent amendments - the flow is hugely improved :)
... another suggestion - probably my last (you'll be relieved to hear!). I think - in the scene when the boy is being strangled by the black smoke - it would be worth introducing a few moments of 'camera shake' - not a constant effect - but as if the vision before us is being disturbed by the intensity of the horror; this scene, though horrible, just feels like it needs more physicality; you'll have to be careful it's not too much. The other little touch could be a key-framed vignette of darkness - so, as this scene goes on, we get a sense of a circle of shadow enclosing the boy - growing in from the edges (a sort of creeping darkness to accompany the boy's embrace by the tendrils). For me, this scene has potential for some enrichment, and while my suggestions might need some interpretation, I hope you see what I mean :)
Dear Sam - again, excellent amendments - the flow is hugely improved :)
ReplyDelete... another suggestion - probably my last (you'll be relieved to hear!). I think - in the scene when the boy is being strangled by the black smoke - it would be worth introducing a few moments of 'camera shake' - not a constant effect - but as if the vision before us is being disturbed by the intensity of the horror; this scene, though horrible, just feels like it needs more physicality; you'll have to be careful it's not too much. The other little touch could be a key-framed vignette of darkness - so, as this scene goes on, we get a sense of a circle of shadow enclosing the boy - growing in from the edges (a sort of creeping darkness to accompany the boy's embrace by the tendrils). For me, this scene has potential for some enrichment, and while my suggestions might need some interpretation, I hope you see what I mean :)